5 Years

September 11 started as a really kick-ass day for me. I was 19 and a sophomore in college, still living in the dorms. My morning class had been cancelled because the teacher wasn’t feeling well, so I got to sleep in 3 hours. I woke up around 10:30 AM and decided to finish watching The Empire Strikes Back for the 80th time. The sound was amazing on our ghetto surround sound system consisting of three small speakers and two speakers from a 20 year-old record player my roommate’s parents had lent us. I watched the scene where Harrison Ford and Carrie Fisher were trying to clean those weird creatures off of the Millennium Falcon (Unbeknownst to them, that was the least of their problems because they were actually inside the mouth of a giant space monster!).

Next, I decided to take a shower (this was around 11 AM). I thoroughly enjoyed my shower because I was the only one in the bathroom. This had never happened before-usually there was some guy beating off in the stall next to me or a guy from down the hall banging his girlfriend in the stall at the end. It was nice to bathe in peace and quiet and I was so overjoyed that I practically skipped back to my room, still wearing a towel and holding my gay shower basket.

That’s when I ran into a guy walking the opposite direction. I had never met him before, but he looked up at me, shook his head and said, “Man, can’t believe it…” I figured he was a freshman who had just failed his first big test, so I thought I’d try to bring his spirits up. I smiled and said “Hey, what’re you going to do? Shit happens!” I’ll never forget the look he gave me-it was a blend of shock and disgust, and I think he really wanted to kick my ass. I let this obviously ungrateful guy be and went back to my room. As I started to get dressed I turned on the news, and then said aloud, “Oh, f**k me.”