Mars Attacks

Recent budget cutbacks have forced NASA to cancel their Mars exploration program, even as most scientists agree that we are closer than ever to finding life on the planet.

This is aggravating to me, so I hit the streets and asked people how they would save the Mars mission.

Here were the most popular suggestions:

• 32% – Sell advertising space on the Opportunity rover à la NASCAR.
• 23% – Send the Kardashians to Mars for a new reality show, Keeping Up with the Kardashians (While They Still Have a Sufficient Oxygen Supply), and a spin-off series, Kourtney and Khloé Take Olympus Mons .
• 18% – Make the iPhone 5 available exclusively on Mars and use the fanboy line as a space railroad.
• 11% – Build a new shuttle from an IKEA kit. Call your parents afterwards to let them know you put it together all by yourself.
• 8% – Send Rush Limbaugh there. I don’t care if it won’t raise any money, just fucking do it man.
• 5% – Trademark the Mars face and sue Joan Rivers for copyright infringement.
• 3% – Make another $250 million 3D film about a Civil War vet who travels to Mars. Maybe we’ll watch it this time.