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First post of the decade

I really thought I was done with this shit.

I last updated this site in 2009, at which time I decided I was finished with blogging. I had been posting regularly for a few years so I figured this site had enough content to appease everyone. Sure, most of it was from 1998, but so what? Bits like “Goat Porn” and “Spanish Condom Names” never get old-that shit killed when I was 15. Why bother adding anything new?

So, a few years passed and I forgot about this site. Seriously, I never looked at it. Occasionally a friend would say something like, “Dude, you really need to check it out. It’s bad. Really, really bad.” I would get e-mails from concerned readers-”U ok? U dead r sumthing?”-but I didn’t worry too much. I was too preoccupied with real life matters to care about my web presence.

But then, one day last fall, I woke up and found that I had a ton of e-mails about the 10! Show thing that went down in 2007. I mean, a ton. A producer had left me a voicemail about using the clip on their show. Some German guy e-mailed me something in German (I could only understand “NBC” and “Sperm”). Apparently someone had stumbled across the video on YouTube and posted it to Reddit, and from there it spread like wildfire. I was stoked! This was my moment!

It was at that point that I decided to visit my website for the first time in over three years.

People were right. It was BAD. Goat Porn? Spanish Condom Names? Who wrote this shit? I felt like a negligent parent who left their kid in the car while they went into the store, then ran into someone they knew, sold that person their car, bought a new car, then went to pick their kid up at soccer practice the next day. Another parent’s like “Did you bring the orange slices?” and they reply “Oops, must have left them in my……..OH. SHIT.”

I had long ago lost the software I used to update my site. F**k, I couldn’t even remember my password. Tens of thousands of people were trying to learn more about me and all they found was a 2009 post about my day at Barnes & Noble.

So here we are. I’ve ditched everything old and I’ve started fresh with WordPress. I may post some of the more popular older blogs in an archive, but other than that I’m determined to fill this site with new content. So, subscribe and check back often. Hell, I may even get a Twitter account.


P.S. If it’s 2015 and this is still on the main page, I am sorry. I promise I will update soon.


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