Continue reading »]]> As I write this I am getting ready to crash. Insomnia is fun until you actually get tired, and then you get really, really tired. I thought I’d use this space to brainstorm my ideal dream for tonight. Hopefully it’ll go something like this…

BOOOOOOMMMMM!!!

“Wow, can’t believe everyone’s dead but me! Good thing I was on this awesome island. Wait, what’s that sound?”

“Another survivor, thank God! Don’t worry, I know how to cook, build shelter, treat wounds, start a fire, and build a TV out of sand.”

“Sweet! I can recite 17 episodes of The A-Team from memory.”

…

“What’s all this ruckus? I’m trying to explore my body.”

“Wow, TV’s Gillian Anderson! I have such a lesbian crush on you. If I didn’t know better, I’d swear you were in your twenties.”

“I am! The nuclear blast changed the cellular structure of my body so I am no longer 38 years old. I am just as I was inThe X-Files.”

“Keen! Let’s lick each other.”

“#*%@!”

“Hey, friendly neighborhood Spider-Man here! I believe I am your boyhood hero, and I’m also gay, so my manhood poses no threat to your dominance over these female celebrities. I exist merely to swing around and entertain you. I can also get sweet, sweet fruit that is up high in trees.”

“Nuclear holocausts rock for me!”